Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Griefing: Helping you grieve: Gardening and Writing

Come this September, Andrew would be twenty five years old. But Andrew never even celebrated his first birthday on earth. I grieved for him, and in 2011, I published his book. Without publishing his book, I would probably still be grieving his loss. With his book, I moved on to helping other bereaved parents grieve.

I tell grieving parents to keep a journal. Just a note pad would do, It is very therapeutic. You can write any time. Most of all, when you lie awake. and sleep deludes you.

For a whole year, I wrote and wrote. I wrote some as letters to my siblings. Some I wrote to God, my anger with him. These notes I kept to myself. I wrote my thoughts of trouble, of anger and of fear. This grief journal can be very cathartic.

You needn't go back and read them. I didn't go back and read my notes until Andrew was 21st. I eventually took them out, because I knew nobody would write his book if I didn't write them.

If you like a nice scrap book, buy a good scrap book. you can stick all the cards people give you. I didn't, I kept them in files. You can also cut out poems you find in magazines and newspaper. It is your scrap book, nobody should tell you what is right or wrong.

It is recently, I got very passionate about the computer that I had neglected my gardening. Yesterday a fellow online friend talked to me that I should spend some time with my plants. I had a mother bromeliad.

I went to the mother plant to transplant it to my pots. The mother has 3 babies, and I yanked it. Hoping to transplant them too. In so doing, I could kill the plant.

I thought of the analogy of the Mother plant as a bereaved Mum. My own experience was Andrew as a sick baby, yanking it didn't hurt as much as my  grieving mothers whose babies and children had been yanked and killed.  My heart bleeds for them.

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