Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Due Dates.

Amaryllis (pronounced /ˌæməˈrɪlɨs/[1]) is a small genus of flowering bulbs, with two species. The common name "naked lady" stems from the plant's pattern of flowering when the foliage has died down.


The volcanic formations within the Auckland region have developed within the last 140 000 years. Volcanoes are a conspicuous feature of the Auckland city landscape. In some cases their form is emphasised by their preservation as reserves and parks, while in others they have been quarried to meet the city’s demand for building materials. Within a radius of about 20km centred on Auckland city there are 49 discrete volcanoes; this is the area referred to as the Auckland volcanic field.

This is the crater of Mt Eden. We often walk up the volcanoes and take friends up there. The Crater is very big, and is a Sacred area. Visitors are asked to respect this and asked not to climb over the barriers and climb down the slopes.

One year, I went there with a New Zealand friend. To my surprise, 1/8 of the slope was covered with flowering lilies. My friend told me that in this country they are called Naked Ladies. When they are blooming, their leaves dry up and hence they called called as such. I was wondering, why only that patch of the crater has the Lilies.

We sat down to appreciate the flowers and the view of Auckland. Being mothers, we talked about the pink lilies are like mums, they suffer and almost die at child birth, and being resilient, they pop up again the next year and bloom beautifully. In my heart, I was thinking, how many mothers feel naked with empty arms when they babies don't survive. So each year, at this time, when I see the Naked Ladies, I think of all my sisters, who like me, didn't get to take their babies home. Because their babies have gone ahead of them. Something unnatural against the rule of Nature. You don't bury your child. Your child buries you.

On Sunday, I watched the science writer Adam Wishart 23 Week Babies: The Price of Life (BBC2), which dealt with a similar dilemma and an even more harrowing subject.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2011/mar/09/23-week-babies-tv-review When I watch such documentary, no one talks, Because Mum is somewhere else. Mum is teleported to National Women's Hospital and in a time machine to 22 years ago. I was told Andrew was a worst case scenario and he was dying. I didn't have to make the horrible decision to pulling the plug. We were at peace when we accepted the doctors' advice to let nature take it's place. But I pity all the parents who were left to make that decision.

I facebooked my new friends I had made at Sands, mums who had lost their babies. One told me she lost 3, and little did I know, that it was the anniversary of one of them on Tuesday. I am sure she would have cried buckets. I did.

I wrote in my book, "Diary of a bereaved Mum," The day when Andrew was due. Andrew was born 3 weeks early. I was sitting at the corner of his ICU cot, and staring at him. I was staring at him, and wondered why he came early. I had the irrational thinking," Shove him back! Shove him back! He will be born normal."

The due date of a deceased baby is extra hard for a bereaved mum. What if he/she never came early, but on the date he/she was supposed to come, would he/she be a bouncy baby like all babies should be?

This post is for S and all other Sands mums.


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