Diary of a bereaved mother, 丧儿记,: 丧失儿子的母亲的一本传记: February 2013

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Peacock Art Gallery,

Judy Lancaster-Bowen organised this exhibition at Peacock Art Gallery and today I received this card. I want

to thank you Judy.

Display of my book Diary of a bereaved Mother, goodbye my baby's display.

Gallery, Upton Country Park, from 31 January to 4 February 2013.http://www.foreverinmyheartexhibition.com/134494020?i=64857969

Thursday, February 21, 2013

How many children do you have?

To my grandmas, my aunties and my fellow bereaved mums. If you look at this spray of orchid, you will see some buds did not reach maturity. We are this orchid plant.

Last evening, my much younger than me boy cousin wrote to me about his late mum.

I knew his mum had a deceased baby. I was in my primary school. Mum came back and told us, 2nd Aunty had a baby, Grand ma asked Mum to dispose of it. My mum found a trishaw man, gave him $20, and he took the dead baby and threw it away like rubbish. Poor Aunty was in the hospital, had no say at all. The baby was to be forgotten. We didn't know if it was a boy or a girl.

This impacted me a lot. When Andrew was dying, and we were discussing his funeral arrangement. I thought of my poor aunty. I wrote about it in my book.

Officialdom has not changed much. This year, we have our census.

'How many babies have you given birth to?' with the only options for answers being
a) number born alive
b) none
c) Object to answering this question

This is not allowing woman to include any babies that have been stillborn or died as a result of an early loss. It's like how many children do you have, we only count the surviving ones, the dead ones don't matter.

Media Release

Question 25 of the 2013 census likely to cause distress
Sands New Zealand is concerned about the distress that is likely to be caused by the wording of
question 25 of the nation’s census form for individuals.
The question asks female respondents to answer the question: “How many babies have you given birth
to?” It then offers three options: Number born alive, none, and ‘object to answering this question’.
These options will likely be viewed as being extremely upsetting by the hundreds of women who, each
year, give birth to a baby who is stillborn.
“Mothers who have had a stillborn baby regularly report distress answering the question, ‘How many
children do you have?’ in social situations,” says Dr Cathy Buntting, Chairperson of Sands New Zealand.
“Now, in the national census, they face the same upsetting predicament. They are asked how many
babies they have given birth to, but there is no room for them to acknowledge their babies who were
born, but who tragically were not born alive.”
Sands New Zealand understands that question 25 relates to the fertility of New Zealand women, and
that this is a statistical concept with social relevance. We also acknowledge that fertility in demographic
terms reflects not the ability to conceive, but the actual bearing of a live child.
Fertility has only been addressed in nine censuses (1911, 1916, 1921, 1945 for Māori only, 1971,
1976, 1981, 1996, and 2006). Sands New Zealand assumes that in the intermittent censuses, fertility
was measured by the use of registered live births against the population total. We endorse a continued
use of this process.
Sands New Zealand also notes that in the 1996 census, 10.6% of the adult female population failed to
answer the question or objected to doing so. We wonder what this level of non-response represents,
and also how meaningful the resulting statistics are?
“A baby’s death is extremely difficult for society to talk about. As a result, parents who have had a
stillborn baby are often disenfranchised in their grief. This feeling is reinforced by the current census,
which completely ignores the hundreds of babies stillborn in New Zealand each year. These babies
might not matter to fertility statistics, but they do and always will matter to the mothers who bore them
and the fathers who miss them!”
Sands New Zealand is a not-for-profit organisation that supports bereaved parents and whānau when a
baby or infant dies, no matter what age or gestation. “We received a large number of complaints from
both mothers and fathers prior to the 2006 census about this issue, and we are again receiving
complaints with this census. Parents just want the opportunity to acknowledge the existence of their
stillborn babies.”
Dr Cathy Buntting
Chairperson, Sands NZ
Email: chairperson@sands.org.nz
Phone: 027 313 4558
21 February 2013

Friday, February 8, 2013

An Event you liked best in 2012

"THE BEST OF 2012" (A photo/event you liked best in 2012,...) on 14 October 2012, Sands, bereaved parents and grandparents, and siblings and friends released balloons to our beloved departed angels.

This gentleman brought a stalk of rose to tie it to his ballon. The rose fell off, and he was desperately trying to tie it. I gave him a safety pin, and it did the job. Him, a bereaved grandpa, and me a bereaved mum, his emotions were very raw. I can only conjecture that their loss was very recent.

sorry this is done in caps, I don't know why.
http://www.spunwithtears.com/thursday.html

Monday, February 4, 2013

Council bulldozes graves

on, 04 Feb 2013 6:09p.m.

Families of infants buried at the Waikumete Cemetery say decorations were bulldozed and then thrown out

By Michael Morrah

Reporter

The Auckland Council has apologised after contractors damaged the graves of stillborn babies at the country's largest cemetery.

Families of infants buried at the Waikumete Cemetery say decorations were bulldozed and then thrown out.

Grieving families wanted answers from staff at Waikumete Cemetery.

Lynette Lewis' daughter was buried at the cemetery. On Saturday, the site was bulldozed.

“They've just demolished it all,” says Ms Lewis. “There's no heart in that. This is where you come to grieve and put your memories down and it's all gone.”

Council staff say they were doing planned maintenance work, but Karen O'Sullivan says decorations at her granddaughter’s grave were swept up and thrown out. She even took pictures of the contents of a skip bin.

“I burst into tears – couldn't believe it,” says Ms O’Sullivan. “It was beyond my comprehension.”

“There's a difference between maintenance and what we saw when we came down here yesterday,” says plot owner Roger Sims.

The council says it was clearing areas where decorations should not have been. But it admits the work was done recklessly.

It issued a statement saying, “We should be treating people as we would expect to be treated in this case. We sincerely apologise to people that are hurt in this situation.”

Council staff did put up signs warning about the maintenance work in September. But some of the signs fell down and the families say they should have been contacted personally before the work started.

The council says it will work with families to rectify the situation and build new areas. But that may not wash with those who feel their sites have been desecrated.

3 News

Friday, February 1, 2013

Deborah's drawing :forever in my heart exhibition

click on link to see other display. Forever In My Heart exhibition which is at the Peacock Art Gallery, Upton Country Park, from 31 January to 4 February 2013.

http://www.foreverinmyheartexhibition.com/134494020?i=64857969

Judy Lancaster-Bowen

Hello Ann and Deborah,

The Forever in my Heart exhibition is this week and your book and Deborah's drawings really look so lovely. Thank you so much for including them in the exhibition. Many people, especially, stop for quite a while and look and comment on Deborah's drawings. Really spending the time looking at her Chinese Baby, Andrew, and your family picture. It does touch my heart each time I see someone standing in front of her drawings, and that even though it has been a long time since Andrew passed, you are still able to communicate what was going on for your family when Andrew was going to be "an angel".

Here is a link to the website where I have uploaded photographs from the exhibition.http://www.foreverinmyheartexhibition.com/134494020

You can also see more photographs on our facebook page:www.facebook.com/foreverinmyheartexhibition

Thank you so much

Judy

Forever in my Heart - www.foreverinmyheartexhibition.com
www.foreverinmyheartexhibition.com
Forever in my Heart - www.foreverinmyheartexhibition.com

Forever in my Heart - www.foreverinmyheartexhibition.com

www.foreverinmyheartexhibition.com

Forever in my Heart -

foreverinmyheartexhibition

Display of my book Diary of a bereaved Mother, goodbye my baby's display.
Forever In My Heart exhibition which is at the Peacock Art Gallery, Upton Country Park, from 31 January to 4 February 2013.
http://www.foreverinmyheartexhibition.com/134494020?i=64857969

Thanks Judy for this special event,

Judy Lancaster-Bowen