Monday, January 28, 2013

Amazing connection Hungary to New Zealand

 Update: I connected Bela and Ellen, I am curious how he came to my Facebook.

For Bela and Ellen, may the fluttering of our Monarch butterfly sent you nice vibes as you renew your friendship

When I wrote my book, my main intention was to help help the bereaved and their friends. Little did I think that I would connect long lost pen pals of friends half way round the world.

Bela is from Hungary, and through some amazing series of events, she was looking for Ellen who goes to my church, and whose daughter Jennifer had gone to Camp America, and I did an interview of her.

How cool is this, I feel vindicated when I hear some one saying me that I dwell too much on Andrew and to go on with life.

Dear Ellen and Jennifer,

This is amazing. I am thrilled for you. I knew my post is to help people, and I helped connect you .



 Dear Ann!
I’m Béla Baji from Hungary. I was corresponding with a New Zealand girl when I was young. Her name was Ellen Koelet, and lived in Auckland. Our correspondence lasted for more, than ten years, and I learned much of your beautiful, and peaceful country. This correspondence was a great help for me, in learning English too. But the greatest experience was, when we discovered, that both of us are commited Christians.
As I’m getting closer to the age of sixty, the recollections of my young age are getting stronger. So I have had the thought for monthes of typing her name in the Google. Some days ago I did. You can emagine, my dismay and sorrow, when I found her on your homepage under the title: „Diary of a Bereaved Mother…”
I realised, that the story itself must have happened at least fifteen years ago, as she is just 2-3years younger than me.
I’m interested in a lot of things: Has she got other children? How, and where does she live now? How is her family, and church now? I would like to hear of your beatiful country again. What changes has happened there? What about the global warming, and environmental chrisis of the Globe? And so on.
I’m 58, live in the centre of the Great plain of the Carpatian Basin in Central Europe. I’m married, and have two sons Gedeon 24, Olivér 22. I met my wife in the Hungarian Methodist Churh, her name is Joli.
I’m an expert on plants, organic gardening, and especially on permaculture. I have growing an permaculture experimental site for twety six years near the town, I live in. The idea of permaculture came from Australia, and well known in New Zealand too, I think. We heve an informal permaculture association in Hungary. I’m often invited to give advices, design, presentations. 
I ask you, to forward this letter to Ellen, if you can, or give me her e-mail address, if she has, if not, her postal address.
My postal address is: Béla Baji, H-2766 Tápiószele, Pesti u 2. Hungary
My e-mail:
Best wishes: Béla Baj

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Right timing for me, my daughter came back from abroad 7 years, and I was delighted she kept her precious knitted doll.

She kept it in a clear plastic canister and the customs officer in the airport ask her what it is.

Here is the history from my book: Diary of a bereaved Mother, Goodbye my baby.

One day, Deborah was very excited. Some kind ladies had knitted lots of little dolls for the hospital and left them at the crèche. Andrea told her to bring one bag for Andrew, and one bag for the rest of the little babies in Ward 11A.  There were more than 10 dolls in Andrew’s bag. She chose a doll that she wanted to give to Andrew, another for Gabrielle’s gift to Andrew, and finally mine. She chose the one I liked very much. She chose one for herself and one for Gabrielle. Then she confidently went to all the other six nurseries to distribute them to the rest of the ICU babies.
When Andrew died, I asked his nurse if she would pack a doll for him to take it to Heaven, meaning it would be buried with him. I was very happy that Nurse Daphne chose the one that I had given him. She kept the puppy dog, as she knew I wanted to have it back. Whoever those ladies were who knitted the dolls, I wish I could thank them. I hope all the other babies that day survived and took their dolls home.
On 16th December, 2010, Mrs. Nesbitt, one of my British blogging friends, posted photos of knitted dolls of the Nativity scene. She invited readers who wanted the patterns to tell her and she would email to them. One of the dolls was Mary holding Jesus. It looked very similar to the doll I gave to Andrew. I told her I was interested in her patterns, and would explain why I wanted to knit one. She sent them to me the next day. It seems so strange that after 21 years, I get to see a doll that meant so much to me and at the time when I am writing this book.

~ Knitted ~

The PhotoHunt for this weekend is Knitted.

Dora commented on FaceBook " It's going to be hard for me to find something for next week theme "Knitted" since I don't knit . . . I believe I'll really have to stretch it about and go out side of the box "

Friday, January 18, 2013

a blog of hope

Members of Mt Albert Baptist Church were busy cooking BBQ to raise money to build a well in Thailand.

Project Thailand

Earlier this year we launched our five-year commitment to partnership with needy communities Thailand!
Stage 1 involves a team of 10 people heading to a remote village in northwest Thailand early February 2013 to help install clean water and sanitation facilities for the community.  We’ll also run a children’s programme and a medical clinic to meet basic health needs each afternoon.
We have a team of 10 awesome people who are committed and excited about what God is doing in and through our lives…

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Amazing Grace.

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind but now I see.

"Amazing Grace" - the hymn that inspires hope in the wake of tragedy ?

Although Newton first wrote the words to "Amazing Grace" in 1772, it was not until 60 years later that the text was wed to the tune to which it is sung today.

I was in middle school when my American teacher Miss Jackie Fries taught us at assembly two hymns, Amazing Grace and How great thou art. They remain my favourite songs. 

During the early days of my bereavement, when everything seems lost, and God was so far away, I couldn't read or pray. Singing Amazing Grace was one way to cry out to God. 

Some people tell me that I dwell too much on my loss. To move on. God gave me Andrew and then take him away gave me a special ministry. I minister not just to bereaved parents of babies. I minister to any bereaved mums.

Today, something very special happened. I did not want to go to church because I had a nasty fall and I have scabs all over my knees and elbows and a bruised eye. I woke up at 4am. I wasn't going to church. But God had other plans.

A woman who had come to ESOL class before, and I had invited her to church, came. After church, I went to talk to her. After a brief chit chat she told me her daughter died. Then it connected that I knew about this accident from two sources. I asked her, and she said yes. I led her to sit down and I told her, "It's OK to cry." She had been suppressing her grieve and things are so bad that she didn't want to live.

I am going to walk with her, and help her. and I will encourage her to listen to Amazing Grace. 

I told a matured Christian, and she said" Yes, that's your ministry."

Thursday, January 3, 2013

forever in my heart exhibition

an art exhibition at the Peacock Art Gallery, Upton Country Park, Poole from the 31 January to 4 February 2013 

If you are in England, and if you have friends and relatives who have lost their babies, do visit.

My book and some poems will be read during the exhibition.

Bereaved parents are holding an art exhibition at the Peacock Art Gallery, Upton Country Park, Poole from the 31 January to 4 February 2013 in memory of our babies that we have lost.
Parents, siblings, relatives and friends are kindly invited to submit anything that you may have done or are inspired to create in memory of your baby or as an expression of your grief.  Submissions may be in any form – paintings, drawings, photographs, sculpture, crafts, poems, writing, memory albums, music, songs or films.  You could perhaps commission an artist to create something for you on your behalf. 
We would like to have as many babies represented as possible, so any piece will gladly be appreciated.

The Peacock Art Gallery is open from 10:00 - 16:00 each day. There is free parking and full disabled access via a lift.

To find out more about Poole & East Dorset Art society go to or contact PEDAS using the link on the right or email

The first two pieces were done by my older daughter aged 4 + plus, she understood that her baby brother was dying.  In the first picture, she drew him floating as an angel with wings. The yellow is the cover of my book.
I described in this excerpt in my book. Good luck, Ann what is your postal address, I will send you a copy of my book. I feel privileged that you will read my poems. Deborah was doing well in the crèche with Andrea. One day she came up to the ward to give Andrew a picture she had made. She had drawn her family photo. When I saw it, I cried. She drew Andrew as a baby floating above us. She had glued onto him a blue Chinese conical hat. The rest of us were standing firmly on the ground. She told me that she stuck the hat on because Andrew was a Chinese boy and he was up in the skies because he was an angel. To her, it was a good picture. She had in her own way accepted that Andrew was going to die and he was going to be an angel. We pinned the picture above Andrew’s cot, and she proudly told everyone that her baby brother was going to be an angel. 
You are invited to send in your artwork so that it can be part of our online gallery in memory of your baby.  Please e-mail artwork to