Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Diary of a Bereaved Mother: Introduction


Cindy Farquhar, professor of obstetrics and gynaecology at the University of Auckland, says the number of babies who are stillborn or die within four weeks of birth is higher than New Zealand's road toll, Funding for prenatal death support and research, to help reduce these deaths, is minimal in comparison to the millions poured into road safety campaigns, she said.

For every 1000 babies born in New Zealand, eight will be stillborn. One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Nearly 600 babies are stillborn or die within 28 days of birth in New Zealand every year. Many parents are bereaved in New Zealand, and in all over the world, but very few people talk about them.

This book is not just a sad saga, it is a book to help anyone struggling to cope with the loss of a child, in particular, a new born. The Genre is: Self Help/ death and dying/child’s death/survival It is a Read first, and then Act.

In my life game of “Survivor”, I emerged the winner; I didn’t emerge unscathed without forming alliance with caregivers and assistance from the medical personnel.

To the bereaved: You will read the various ways of how I grieved. You may like to act on some of them. Remember, everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong.

I found great solace to be found in reading another person's account of their tragedy and survival. In my association with others in my situation, they feel the same too. We also found others who suffer similar afflictions, derive consolation reading about others who suffered. I trust you will find a glimmer of hope after reading this book.

To the care givers: Do not try to distract the newly bereaved, do not avoid the topic. Instead allow him/her to talk her feelings. Just be there.

To the medical personnel: My personal experience with good doctors and not so good doctors will give you awareness and understanding of how to help the bereaved or soon to be bereaved person in your charge.

To the general reader: If you love reading non fiction, and also like to understand other cultures, I have included some aspects of the traditional Chinese culture on bereavement. This is a fusion of East and West. East, I was born to a Chinese family which had immigrated to Borneo more than one hundred years ago. West, because I have become a Christian and have lived in New Zealand for many years. My story reflects the multi cultural nature of the New Zealand community today.


  1. I would love to know what led you to my blog site today to comment on my "wacky recipe" post. I am so glad you did. The cake is very moist and tasty, rather like gingerbread or pumpkin bread or zucchini bread. Try it!

    I am glad I have found your upcoming book and wish you well. I always find help in reading books of the struggles of fellow Christians, who have God to help them through. I will be keeping up with your story. Did you have other children?

  2. Your statistics are staggering!! I wonder how New Zealand's compares with other countries? I look forward to reading more.

  3. It's so sad to hear a bereaved parent talk about their child. Some parents can talk, but their partners can't, which makes it more difficult.

  4. Looking forward to reading more. I like real life stories.