Daisies

With friends who has Campomelic Displiasia of have lost children to them, we started a facebook page 

Parents of Campomelic Dysplasia Angels

On my main page of Facebook, I welcome my 

new friends with flowers, I forget to do it here. I 

will do it now. 


I always remember daisies, we left the city 

Andrew was born, for Singapore. We came back 

for holidays 10 years later, and my two surviving 

girls went down the mountain slope to pick these

embarrassing it was. I said let them. 


In my heart, I wished Andrew too was there

climbing on the dangerous slope. But Andrew 

has bad legs. Worst still, Andrew is dead.


That trip ended badly.







http://floralfridayfoto.blogspot.com/

New Zealand Loss and grief awareness week.

This week is New Zealand Loss and grief awareness week. My heart is saddened. A mother lost her twins. This is a you-tube made by TVNZ, a group of mothers and myself were interviewed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZk9w-uywAs&feature=youtu.be 

https://youtu.be/IZk9w-uywAs 

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/IZk9w-uywAs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZk9w-uywAs&feature=youtu.be

The bereaved parents club.

a cup cake holder with no cakes.

Today, a young mother joined our club.

http://www.ehow.com/how_8119949_celebrate-birthday-child-recently-died.html

In the synopsis of my book, Diary of a Bereaved Mother. I wrote "For we belong to the club of bereaved parents. Membership is not by choice but by force." Nothing can change the fact that our deceased child is a part of the family forever, and the void in the family constellation created by the child's death also remains forever.

While we celebrate our living children's birthdays with the usual shebang of activities, how do bereaved parents celebrate our departed children's birthdays? For me, I celebrate Andrew's birthdays and anniversary in my heart. This is because my husband has other ideas. However, on the eve of these two days, I mention it during dinner. This is more to tell the family that tomorrow, I might feel moody.

When I was a newbie at a S.A.N.D.S support group, the leader was a bereaved mum of 17 years. She celebrates her late son's birthday the same way as she would anyone's birthday in her family. She engaged her living children to help bake the cake and sing happy birthday.

There are special things like holding memorials, releasing balloons, planting flowers,
giving money to her church and charity in his memory. It could be a charity that helps children or babies it seems fitting. I was involved with a lot of charities including one involved spearheading a drive to raise funds to give life to a pair of Siamese twins. My motivation was I couldn't do anything for Andrew, here was an opportunity to help another mum.

Of late cup cakes have become popular. What if you are a teacher, and your student brought a cup cake to you telling you that it is his late sibling's birthday cake? Or a friend who gets such a cake, how would you react? I would like to hear from you.

CD Siblings

Dear Lenny,

I have been on CD family for a long time, so far, I have observed only 2 repeats in the families.

It could be it will never repeat in most cases, including me.

Or if the CD baby was the first, parents are too scared to try again.

You asked what practical advice, talking to the doctors, now I think nowadays, they will refer you to a genetist, and do testing.

Your daughter and her husband need a lot of counselling. She is lucky that she has you.

http://annkitsuetchin.blogspot.co.nz/2012/01/rainbow-children-my-darling-samuel.html

My CD baby lived only 55 days, a worst case scenario. I published my book with the aim to helping newly bereaved mums and their family. In this chapter, I wrote my emotions when I became pregnant unexpectedly.

God bless,

Ann, Mum of Andrew who would be 22 years old.

Is there light at the end of your tunnel?

How often when you are grieving, there is no end of the tunnel?

My mother used to say this saying," Can't see the daylight coming!"

I remember her telling us during the world war 2 where she was a survivor, every dawn was  "Can't see the daylight coming!"
Then during the Communist insurgence, Dad as a senior civil servant was made a volunteer. He learn to shoot a rifles. Fear was real, Mother again used the phrase, Can't see the daylight coming!"

When I was grieving, and couldn't sleep, I remembered Mother's Can't see the daylight coming!"

Writing and grief.

For me, writing was my way of coping with my grief.

 I started writing the next evening after I was told Andrew was dying.

 It was my way of pouring out my emotions,

It was my way of sharing my news and sorrow with family and friends.

How do you grief?

( I didn't sleep that Saturday night, I wrote 13 pages. 25 years ago, we wrote on paper. Part of the reason I wrote was my surviving children were 4 and 1/2 and 2. I wanted them to know what had happened. I had Olwyn Dickson to mentor me.)

Wellington Bee hive and my books

The is the Icon of New Zealand, The Beehive , the parliament of New Zealand. All five of my books are circulated in the National Library of New Zealand.

Alexander Turnbull Library - National Library of New Zealand Alexander Turnbull Library - National Library of New Zealand Wellington, New Zealand	b ook	304 miles Map It	Library info Add to favorites
5.	National Library of New Zealand National Library of New Zealand - Wellington Service Centre Wellington, 6011 New Zealand 1. From China to Borneo and beyond by Ann Kit Suet Chin  Print book : Biography Language: English   Publisher: [Auckland, N.Z. : Ann Kit Suet Chin-Chan, 2013] Database: WorldCat 2. Diary of a bereaved mother by Ann Kit Suet Chin  Print book : Biography Language: English   Publisher: [Auckland, N.Z. : A.K.S. Chin, [2011] Database: WorldCat 3. Cry of oppressed women by Ann Kit Suet Chin  Print book : Fiction Language: English   Publisher: Auckland : Ann Kit Suet Chin, 2014. Database: WorldCat 4. Mail order bride by Ann Kit Suet Chin  Print book : Fiction Language: English   Publisher: Auckland : Ann Kit Suet Chin, 2013. Database: WorldCat 5. Hai wai hua ren de Zhong Guo hun = From China to Borneo and beyond by Ann Kit Suet Chin; Kong Sing Ting  Print book Language: Chinese   Publisher: [Auckland] : [Ann Chin], [2015] Database: WorldCat